The Kindness of Strangers
In the two months I’ve been home from the hospital following my stroke I’ve been many places in my wheelchair and more with rides from friends. While I appreciate help (holding doors) I also like to try to do for myself. So close friends will stand there as I get myself through doors, knowing that if I want assistance I’ll ask. And at times I do ask. I’ve gotten pretty good at getting most places I need to go without help.
But Saturday morning, on the way to the Union Station MetroLink station, I hit a particularly rough ADA curb cut at 17th & Pine:
Continuing on 17th something didn’t sound right. I look down and see that my front right tire was knocked off the wheel:
Great, I’m three blocks from home and my wheelchair is now as disabled as I am.
Before I could formulate a plan a man gets out of a vehicle on 17th and offers to help, he had seen me coming down the sidewalk with the tire off the wheel. I had no idea who he was or if he could help but I was certainly in no position to refuse. I hobbled out of the chair to an adjacent brick retaining wall and sat down while this man grabs a toolbox out of his vehicle. He proceeds to unbolt the front wheel and then using a flat screwdriver and hammer gets the non-air type tire back on the wheel. Within 10 minutes he had it fixed and I was ready to go. I offered to pay him something for his time but he refused. I thanked him profusely and continued toward MetroLink. It’s not like I could have called AAA.
There are many bad people in cities but the majority are decent, caring and upstanding citizens. It is cities that you come in close proximity to strangers. Sometimes that is not a good thing but often it is. Many times it might just be a smile and “Hello” to someone walking on the sidewalk. That chance encounter & connection with someone you don’t know. That just doesn’t happen in the same way at the mall or the Wal-Mart parking lot.
Steve,
That’s a good story, and the sort of thing we’ve come to refer to as a “St. Louis Moment”. Over the years, we’ve accumulated lots of those St. Louis moments. It’s one of our top reasons for living here. Ofthen
.
St. Louis has a lot of good things going for it, but one of the best is its people. Thanks for passing along the positive experience.
.
RB
it’s a good story, but yeah, I have to say that it’s more endemic of what happens in a city in general instead of just St. Louis city. Living in a city, you really have that social contract thing going on. I experienced it a bunch of times living in New York. When I was in crutches, people helping me in and out of places. Getting bounced off of cars, people would grab my bike out of traffic and see if I was fine. Hell, I used to work by this school for the blind in Manhattand and after helping countless blind people across the street, one of them warned me about a car that was coming straight at me (didn’t “see” it coming). It’s just that ever present realization that you could be the one who’s screwed and you’d better be good to people.
Nope. that does not happen at Dierburgs in St. Peters either. Our streets and public squares provide the opportunity for strangers to become friends as they are the forum of our public and civic life. If you were in suburbia firstly you couldn’t get around without a car. Secondly, you would ignore everyone you see at Dierburgs, quickly go in, buy your items, and leave. You don’t sit around at Dierburgs and enjoy the skyline or street life like I do every two weeks or so after work in Kiener Plaza. And that’s where you meet people. At the very least there’s human interaction, even through simple observation, which makes the banality of the cubicle disappear.
I agree that in urban settings we are more likely to lend a hand, or be offered one because to as urban dwellers we are prone to be alert to our surroundings. When you are walking on the street or taking the Metro, you are more likely to notice other people (sometimes just for your own personal safety!)
I lived in New York City for ten years and for three of those years I was a mother with two babies. I estimated at one point that an average of 1000 people helped me from the time the first baby was born to the time we left New York City. I used to refer to them as Urban Angels and they showed up just when I needed them most. True urban dwellers have the sense to know when someone needs help and they also know that the person who needs help could be them.
I am so glad you got help, Steve, thanks for the uplifting story.
RL’E
Never one to pass on an opportunity to expound on my reasons for returning to St. Louis from Miami, I must interject with two quick stories.
I received a phone call from three girl friends of mine who were stranded leaving miami for key west several months ago. They popped a tire, and couldn’t get the jack to work. I drive over to them only to see two guys working on a car in the driveway across the street. Seems that it is perfectly normal down here to watch three woman struggle with a flat while you have an entire garage of tools at your disposal if you live in south florida.
I also was run off the road while cycling last year, sustaining massive damage to the bike and myself (read…lots of blood). Ten minutes worth of cars stopped at a light right next to me without a single offer of help while i waited for a friend to come get me.
Countdown until my STL return: 31 days!!!
Some people spend their lives with the goal of striving to serve others and they live accordingly. Some people live their lives striving to serve self and they live accordingly too.
RLE,
I forgot all about the subway stroller thing. When I lived in NYC but I lifted my fair share of strollers up subway steps. The funniest instances were when I would hike my bike over one shoulder and grab the front of the stroller with the other arm and we’d bring it up the stairs (funnier still if the woman didn’t speak any english). It would never fail: I’d look ridiculous helping to bring the stroller up while people were streaming past that someone would always offer to help at the first landing.
Quote: It’s not like I could have called AAA.
.
Ha! Sounds like a new business opportunity to me!
What a nice guy to stop and help. Random act of kindness.
When my collarbone was in a sling, I was almost annoyed how often I was offered a seat on the Metro. I would add it’s not just an urban thing, I can’t imagine sailing past someone in need in a rural setting.
it’s that mezzo area that makes it easy to be oblivious.
I’ve never understood how NY’ers got the reputation for being jerks. abrupt, yes. but no jerkier than anyone else. and they’ll talk to each other. savvy enough to know where the line between polite and human and overly familiar and weird lies.
A great stroy Steve. However, I am sorry to say that I am disappointed in your final comments. Living in a City or urban area doesnt make you want to help your neighbor or someone in distress, its how you are brought up and whats inside you. I refuse to believe that while I would inherently stop to help someone in distress on a city street, you would beleive that I wouldnt do the same in a Mall, Wal-Mart or a Dierbergs parking lot. You know nothing about the guy who helped you – he helped becuase of who he was, not where you were.
Great story, buy I have to sort of agree with newsteve . . . “That just doesn’t happen in the same way at the mall or the Wal-Mart parking lot” . . . simply because most retailers are too afraid of lawsuits to let their properties reach the level of disrepair of this curb ramp. While it’s great that there are a lot of great people out there willing to lend a hand, it’s also unfortunate that a hand was needed in the first place. Any thoughts of finding out who’s responsible for the unsafe condition and putting pressure on to get it fixed, so it doesn’t happen to someone else?
Unfortunately, most property owners are a lot more worried about being sued over a trip-and-fall condition than they are about accessibility issues. Thus, it’s less of a risk to not provide an accessible route in from the property line than to provide one and then have to worry about maintaining it, removing snow from it and worrying who’s going to sue you after a real or staged fall . . . Until enforcement of accessibilty requirements become a priority, including the proper maintenance of facilities already in place, accessibility will continue to be a challenge for too many Americans.
Its a mixed reality. I’ve helped out numerous people stranded or in need of assistance in west county and many people pulled over to help me after my car accident a couple weeks ago, but I’ve encountered some real a-holes as well.
As for large retailers, many provide dozens of parking spaces for the handicapped as well as free electric scooters for getting around the store. It adds to the bottom line and allows the business to look like they care.
It also depends on which suburbs you are referring to. Its not all big box stores and glass office buildings.